the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
