well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
