i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
