Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
