I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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