she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
