The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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