So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
