So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
