were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
