4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
