honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
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