i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
