Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
