Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Acid is not a monday night drug
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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