i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
