You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
