even my farts smell like vagina
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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