I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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