I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
