I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
