FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
