i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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