he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
