You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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