i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
