wanna go halves on a baby?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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