Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
