So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
