went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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