You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
