Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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