They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
