i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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