I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
