We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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