so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
