it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
