my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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