$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
