To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
