your thong is hanging out like whoa
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
