did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
