Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
