I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
