hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
