I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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