meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
