I just saw a hot homeless man
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
