Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
