U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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