You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
