I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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